36. Everything is a win when the goal was to experience.

I like to think of the fact that I have never once failed at anything, because what have I lost if my only goal was to experience? For that reason, I love the rain; let me elaborate.

I’m often caught up in moments by how much I know I’ll remember them. Whether it’s with people or by myself, this resounding feeling of cherishment floods my existence and I know that my only purpose is to swim in it. But here’s the crazier part, I feel the same waves of cherishment for negative instances in my life as well.

I find it moving how much we as humans care about things, even the things out of our control. So much so, that I think the gift of having things worth caring about passes a lot of us by. Because it’s easy to focus on how the immediate things make us feel.

Again, with that in mind, I’ve never considered myself a failure in any aspect. And neither are you. Don’t get me wrong – in the wider known context of failure – I’ve “failed” my fair share of exams through school, I’ve been through some wacky relationships which left me a bit bare, I’ve missed deadlines and buses and opportunities that weren’t meant for me, and I’ve messed up in numerous aspects. Call it trial and error, call it the way things go.

But this wider context was never my context, in fact, I’ve done all of the above because I’m living a life that is worth it all. These experiences, the great and the bad, show you every day how far you’ve come since your last. Learn from your own context and how you handle the new with the memory of the old.  

Possibly my biggest sway into optimism was accepting I’m here for it all. I don’t want a life that doesn’t make me anxious at times, or without going through something that makes my heart race. I want the best and the worst, and the mediocre. I want it all, as these are reminders that I am alive.

I’ve learnt to take the worst situations I’ve been in and force myself to see the good – most times, the only good to be found is that fact that I am looking for it in the first place; then I realise that I’m dealing with it better than I have ever done – and that is something worth noting.

I’m kind of seeing it all as me willing to step outside into the rain, and I’m talking an excessive downpour. Because I’ve never been one to complain about getting soaked – but more about how you haven’t joined me yet, if only to experience it all.

‘Because I’ve never been one to complain about getting soaked – but more about how you haven’t joined me yet, if only to experience it all.’