My hands are healthy. They bear no bruise or abrasion; they shed no blood or bone. My hands are telling of something I’m very sure about, that being that when something has run its course, I know when to let go.
I’ve had this form of realisation strike me in many ways in my life so far – in the job I had when I was 17, in my knowing the girl who didn’t treat me right and the boy who didn’t treat anyone right, in my sudden wavering passion to pursue something I’d set my heart on – in my fatigue from it all.
When so fatigued, it’s easy to confuse giving up with letting go of something that’ll do more damage than it’s worth. That being if you consider being hurt part of the experience at all. In the case of knowing people, hurt is bound to happen – we’re only human – but it should never, not ever be excused. That’s what conversation is for, and if that solves nothing, you place that boundary and you let go.
Personally, when I feel something no longer serves me, I feel a physical retraction. I feel a confident pull away from what I have going on or who I know and it’s important I listen to it. And the truth is, I wouldn’t even know what would happen if I didn’t listen to it – because I’ve never known what it’s like to not trust my gut.
Once you realise there is nothing for you there, why stay? Why ruin your lovely hands? When was the ripping of skin ever worth it? Scars may be cool but being able to hold things as tight as you did before is cooler.
Listening to my instincts is the most connected I’ve ever felt to my mind and body, it’s truly like tapping onto your very own shoulder and saying “Ah, I get it now.” Because why would I continue on, knowing it is with only half my soul? Why would you? That’s when things start to die and fade. So, it’s become my thing: once I let go, I’ve let go. And there’s no chance I’m picking it back up again.
My physical retraction is not only a state of calm but also clarity, I know my next steps in this state of eloquent hum. Here, something else is at play and it is beyond clear to me that any more time spent here, in whatever situation, is time absolutely wasted.
And my time is precious, so is yours, and so are my hands. That said, when I feel it’s time to let go, you can trust that I only dish out clean cuts.