In last week’s blog post, People have been lessons, I touched on how anyone I’ve ever met has taught me something valuable – without even realising it. Well, perhaps the biggest lesson of all is that each experience, past, present and undeniable future has surmounted to my understanding of the array of people and connections there are in this world.
Friendship, as a term and as something you live through, is so vast. That being so, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone talk about the different kinds of friendships there are.
When finding your people, it can take a lifetime.
There is a biological need to fit into the pack, which something I’ve always despised because it eradicates any sense of self. I’ve known some really weak-minded people who succumbed to this notion, and you can bet I removed them from my life once I caught onto the incessant shame they carried in the unfamiliar act of just being themselves.
It takes a lot to remove these types of people, and it takes a whole lot more to remove yourself. As sung by Dominic Fike in his song Double Negative, “maybe if you feel out of place, it’s because you are.” Trying to fit in is such a losing game, which we’ve all fallen victim to it at some point – but it’s juvenile. Leave all that behind and stand up for every version of yourself.
Something so important to remember when growing up, coming from a small town and establishing independence, is that there’s ZERO criterion to meet when making friends in terms of gender. Personally, having male friends is great – when they’re decent people. In this society, it’s easy to subconsciously place higher value on friendships with the opposite sex, then make excuses for their intolerable behaviour and fail to do anything about it for the sake of not losing them.
Through my own naivety, I learnt this the hard way, but have since realised my purest form of happiness and friendship lays with the women in my life. Do not make allowances for ANYONE, especially men who tend to take tremendous advantage of their friendships with young women.
As I mentioned last week, not every friend has to be your ride or die. Find comfort in the simpler connections and save the intimacy of deeper connections for those who deserve it. That said, never let that stop you from being your kindest self by ridding yourself of the expectation for others to have equal levels of the kindness you possess. Give and shine willingly – all because you want to, because that is you.
Some people are destined to be no more than an acquaintance but in the right places at the right times, there may be someone who sticks – in the best way – and what a joy that is.
Give and shine willingly – all because you want to, because that is you.
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